ADHD: Astonished Dumbfounded Higgledy-piggledy Dazed!
In ADHD fashion I am a month late with this blog, as ADHD Awareness month is October, but nevertheless it is here! In recognition of Menopause Awareness month, which is also October, I mention ADHD at midlife too.
We’ve heard so much about it in recent months in the news, but what is ADHD and how does it truly affect those who journey with it?
ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition in which an individual has symptoms that effect behaviour such as increased levels of hyperactivity, impulsivity and inattentiveness. They may also experience effects on their daily functioning, heightened emotional sensitivity, development issues such as coordination challenges including dyspraxia and reading issues such as dyslexia and visual stress; physical issues such as hypermobility and central sensitisation; mental health conditions such as anxiety, OCD, depression and CPTSD; and many other complex presentations including experiencing other neurodevelopmental symptoms such as Autistic traits.
You can find out more about ADHD here: https://adhduk.co.uk/about-adhd/ here https://www.adhdadult.uk/ and here https://adhdaware.org.uk/.
As a late diagnosed 39-year-old woman who is moving towards her peri-menopausal years I can attest to the reality that ADHD is complex and nuanced.
Getting a later diagnosis doesn’t take away from the fact that we’ve been neurodivergent our entire lives. It may be the case that certain things affect us differently in different life phases but nevertheless just because someone hasn’t yet had the assessment and official diagnosis does not take away from their experiences.
ADHD is not just a child who can’t sit still, nor is it someone who’s terrible at remembering faces and places and it’s definitely not as simple impetuousness. Although, for some neurodivergent people these may all be aspects of their complex personal journey with ADHD. It may also be the dread of having to do something that should be simple yet somehow, it’s terrifying. Phone calls to strangers have always been a challenge for me. It may be pushing so hard to achieve something that burnout arrives before the reward of meeting a deadline. I have often forced myself to the edge of burnout trying to achieve too much in too shorter time. It may be missing important dates and goals because the energy required to remember and prepare is just too much for a nervous system on the edge. I have experienced the misery of meltdowns just before really important events.
ADHDers often give 100% of their energy to one task. We often take a long time to realise it’s not a neurotypical thing to give absolutely everything to just one project or one interaction. In ADHD we have to learn to manage or energy and resources with pacing ourselves, planning ahead and peacefulness when possible; none of this comes very easily.
ADHD can increase forgetfulness, misplacing things and getting lost. So, it’s preparing for the extra time needed to find items and having to check a dozen times that you’ve got the things you need when you go out; or that you’re on the right route just so you don’t go to the wrong place on the bus or train and hope that nothing changes on the journey.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is a major thing for many ADHDers and that means feeling like you have been punched in the chest at the slightest sense of rejection; crying because you haven’t heard from a friend only to realise you forgot to text them back six weeks ago and any actual rejection being absolutely debilitating and leading to neurodivergent meltdowns.
If burnout and meltdown are experiences for you, the thing that helped me most was Craniosacral Therapy with Kiran at Southcote. Kiran’s calm, supportive and kind way make me feel so safe and sound; able to listen and respond to my body in that gently held container of care that helps me feel my body is safe place again.
I personally benefit from relaxing with Reiki too and treat myself and my cats often; I’m currently on sabbatical from taking new Jikiden Reiki clients at Southcote but you may find a session with our other practitioner and Reiki Master Gus Ibarra supportive.
Women for whom an ADHD diagnosis comes in Midlife are often brought to the edge of reason by emotional challenges, inexplicable ups and downs in life and a feeling of failing. As we get into our mid-thirties and beyond our body handles hormones differently and we begin to experience changes that may not always seriously impact a neurotypical person but in a neurodivergent ADHD brain they can lead to an emotional maelstrom.
You can find out more about ADHD and Menopause here: https://thinkadhd.co.uk/adhd-and/adhd-and-menopause/
Research is exploring the ways in which ADHD brains and bodies handle hormones and neurotransmitters differently. The management of neurotransmitters such as GABA (Gamma-aminobutyric Acid) and Dopamine is now being considered as part of the ADHD presentation; our brains’ internal communiques aren’t always clear and when hormone levels change for women in midlife and menopausal effects come in, we end up not only with unpredictable levels of neurotransmitters, but with lower Oestrogen which is the modulator of Dopamine and that loss of hormonal gatekeeper has a big impact on our lives.
My favourite Southcote therapy to support my wellbeing as a midlife woman has been Aromatherapy with Young, her beautiful treatments make me feel like a different person.
Many ADHDers are intelligent, caring and focused, yet despite that we may also struggle with simple everyday tasks, be confounded by routines and appear disorganised. Sometimes we are forgetful and make mistakes, I can almost guarantee we are our own worst critics when we fail at a task or feel we’ve let anyone down.
As a practitioner I have wondered why I had episodes of burnout and meltdowns my entire life. Even as an adult as if my endocrine and nervous systems did not get the memo about all of the professional tools that I have to manage stress! I continued to try to push through, I was a practitioner and I was going to keep calm and carry on. Yet reality checked in 2025 when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia; my conscious brain hadn’t put the brakes on, so my nervous system did. Then in 2026 when I had my ADHD assessment through the NHS/Right to Choose pathway and got the diagnosis of combined ADHD both inattentive and hyperactive my brain felt validated; everything made a very clear kind of sense.
The ‘aftermath’ of my diagnosis was that the effects of ADHD became temporarily much worse! I felt horrendous as my brain and body figured out what they had always known but I had not allowed myself to acknowledge. I didn’t know how to explain to others that I was feeling so terrible both physically and emotionally for a while after diagnosis, but then I found out lots of people do feel worse for a time!
To help me with the physical side of Chronic Pain and Hypermobility I rely on the Southcote Chiropractors and Osteopaths and our wonderful Massage Therapists because the physical effects of having a ‘bendy brain’ are that we can also have a bendy body. For some interesting thoughts on the brain body connection in neurodivergence please check out Bendy Brain better known as Dr Jessica Eccles PhD on her YouTube channel.
I have found over the years that Talking Therapies with the counselling team have also helped me when I have needed a safe space to share. You might consider supporting your body from the inside out with natural supplements, remedies, nutrition and lifestyle; Southcote’s Nutritional Therapist Holly may be able to help you with your dietary needs and although I’m currently on sabbatical from taking new herbal patients I happily direct you to the NIMH to find local medical herbalists who might be able to support you on your journey too.
Neurodivergence is not an imagined thing; we’re wired differently. Some of us run on one processor, others run on another and some try to run multiple processors. ADHD is a spectrum; no two neurodivergent individuals are the same and to paraphrase ADHD Chatter host Alex Partridge, we’re not broken and we’re always enough.
Some say ADHD is a superpower; I’m not convinced of that; it doesn’t come with a cape or anything, although masking is involved!
Our whole lives we’ve been the same person on the inside trying to figure out things, often working extra hard to achieve simple goals, wondering what others think or feel about us. Wanting to be enough yet not feeling able to tick the box that says, ‘I am enough’. We’re emotionally tuned to be as sensitive as cats’ whiskers and that can make us great at some things and hopeless at others. We can hyperfocus on a subject or a project and complete our tasks on time and to perceived perfection, but a relaxed deadline might lead to disaster and washing up or cooking a basic family dinner may be confounding!
We may think loudly; love deeply; feel loads and forget often. Our calendars are probably dotted with reminders and notes. We may never seem to stop talking but we can’t pick up the phone to make that one call because it’s too important. We mostly want to please our friends, we long for the messages to come in, but texting back is often a lost cause.
We can spend hours wondering about conversations we’ve had and planning those still to come. Sometimes we might spend hours rehearsing for an interview, coffee date, shopping trip. We make everything look wonderful when people visit, but the truth for many of us is that the ‘doom piles’ and to do lists will return as soon as the incentive is gone. We procrastinate to silence the noise in whichever way works best for us.
ADHD is not being over diagnosed; it’s just that finally the world around us is having to acknowledge that neurodivergence cannot be hidden away forever. Whether we’re young ones struggling at school, grown-ups fighting to achieve the goals society sets us and getting confused by it all, or midlife women wondering why after so many years of trying, we’re 'failing' to function like a ‘normal’ person. The thing is that the world was primarily designed around neurotypical thoughts, feelings and functions and now we need to re-educate, illuminate and create new ways of approaching all neurodivergence and have a mindful approach to ADHD. Don’t let the headlines fool you, most ADHDers are neither lazy nor unwilling to work. You might be surprised just how many neurodivergent people love, live and work around you on a daily basis and how many of those people have experiences of ADHD which may be challenging them in the way they approach daily tasks, interactions and decisions, but they keep going.
Some with ADHD will choose the medication pathway especially if other managements alone have not helped. However, many continue without medication and do wonderfully too. We’re all unique; the main thing is that if you feel you need more support and only when you’re ready that you feel able to ask for help. Many neurodivergent people (me included) plod on alone for quite a while before seeking assistance.
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I don’t endorse and am not affiliated with the creators of any of the following suggestions, but they’re things I have found interesting and or helpful on my personal journey with ADHD.
Books:
Now It All Makes Sense – How an ADHD Diagnosis Changed My Life. By Alex Partridge.
Why Does Everybody Hate Me? Living and Loving with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. By Alex Partridge.
Dirty Laundry. Why Adults with ADHD Are so Ashamed and What We Can Do to Help. By Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery.
The Cherry Tree Theory. A Simple Guide to Stop F*cking Up Your Life. By Rox Pink and Rich Pink.
Podcasts and Channels:
Apps and Organising:
Body doubling apps like Dubbii
Note taking apps like Evernote
Calendar for reminders
Alarm Clock for anything you need an extra prompt for
Audiobooks and podcasts are also a great I use Audible but there are many others
Calculator app for budgeting.
Paper diary
Wall-planner
Paper calendar
Pin board and Post-its
Tablet Organiser for Supplements and Medications
You might also consider checking out creating ‘dopamine menus’ which are bite size style plans to keep the dopamine levels more consistent in the brain by organising tasks as smaller achievable goals
If any of this resonates with you and you feel you need any support (both physically, mentally or emotionally), always feel free to reach out to the Southcote Team.
By Jasmin Mulvey
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